1/15/99

January, 1999 - Since Then


I am now in high school. I am class president, on the J V. cheer-leading squad, have a 4.0 GPA in Honors classes, and have won several awards. I have many friends and a busy life, I am in several clubs, and on the boards of several organizations. I've had a chance to meet several politicians and celebrities. I'm also very close to my Mom again.

It's taken me several years to get my life back where I wanted it, before CPS intervention. People tell me what I was like when I was in foster care and when I first came back and it's pretty bad. I remember how angry, depressed, hopeless, and how much I hated the world back then.

My life Is what I've had with only my mom and only her income to support me. I haven't seer my dad since I was 10 years old. He chose not to have supervised visits - I've talked to him twice on the phone during this time. During one call he promised me lots of great presents if I would tell him our address. When I told him I wasn't supposed to he got mad and called me names and said he was going to put my mom's lights out. Of course, I didn't get anything from him. I have called him at the times the court order said I had to and he hasn't returned my calls. I haven't had any cards, gifts, money. letters or calls from him during all this time. I haven't had any child support either.

I still remember how mean he could be, how he molested me, and how I hated my visits with him. The only feelings I have toward him are anger at all the bad things he's done to me. I haven't heard anything from anyone in his family either, but the only time in my life I had any contact with them is when we were in Juvenile Court

The foster parents got divorced, the father was accused of domestic violence and their son was accused of murder. These so-called "relatives" had no use for me after they stole my things. The woman they kept referring to as my "maternal grandmother" who was really my biological grandfather's third wife, has made sure she and her husband have nothing to do with me or my mom. That family used to be one I saw 3-4 times a year but now we have no contact because CPS screwed things up between us.

Because of CPS there were old friends we lost because they thought my mom must have done something wrong. There were even family members who distanced themselves from us. While I was in foster care my grandpa got Alzheimer's and I missed out on his last good year.

Sometimes I feel I'm not as good as other people because r was molested, I was put in Hillcrest Receiving Home, and I was in foster care. I know those things weren't my fault but sometimes it makes me feel bad about myself. I try to forget about all of that and pretend the only parent I ever had Is my mom and we've always lived a normal Life together. I wish we could have.

I was in therapy for a couple years after I went back to my mom. With the court-appointed therapist I just dealt with my depression. With my other therapists I've been dealing with anger and molest issues.

I'm not as caring about other people as I used to be before CPS. I sort of tend to think, "So what? You haven't been through all the bad things I have." I don't trust people very much anymore. I feel you really can't trust anyone out there except your mom. I don't date yet although all my girl friends do because I don't trust boys -- I had my dad, that foster father and his son, James P. Clark, and Fred Wahlig in my life so I tend to think all guys are going to be jerks like them who you can't trust. I know I need more therapy to deal with this problem. I see myself having children but not having a husband. I also have an attitude problem now when it comes to authority figures. I feel the world is full of stupid bullies who screw up your life. I know that's a bad attitude but that's how I feel after the things I went through.

The "help" we were given has also made my mother prone to periods of depression, distrustful of people, and disinterested in dating. It also hurt us financially. I think our lives would have been much better if my dad had never been in my life.

I've come across some of the court papers and can't believe all the lies the lawyers and Voice for Children person told. I also can't believe how stupid and mean and abusive my so-called "protectors" were.

From talking to other kids whose parents are divorced and from kids in group therapy with me and other kids who got screwed over I have some suggestions:

1. They should get rid of lawyers. Lorraine Purviance and James P. Clark really screwed up my life. They shouldn't allow lawyers In divorce court. And in Juvenile Court your lawyer should listen to you, and actually represent You.

2. Psych eval's should be done by someone who has a brain instead of someone who is crazy and just in it for the money. The same for therapists. Dr. Newton and Glen Coming kept trying to pressure me into saying things that weren't true and making me feel a way I didn't feel about my dad.

3. The people in divorce court don't know what's good for kids. Kids know who they feel close to and who they want to take care of them. Most kids I've talked to hate joint custody. Even when kids have lived with both their parents their whole life there is usually one they feel closer to, and sometimes they don't like one parent because of a lot of different reasons. Kids should have a flexible visitation schedule and feel comfortable with the arrangements . Judges and parents should find out what the kids really want.

4. Social workers shouldn't embarrass kids at school. Kids who are victims of crimes shouldn't be the ones locked up and the ones to lose everything . When you've been molested you need your mom, your home, and your friends.

5. People like Patty and Greg Houser shouldn't be foster parents or even have kids themselves. I've heard about some really mean foster parents who shouldn't be around kids

6. If they aren't going to help you and are only going to make your life worse then CPS should stay out of it. All those people claiming to help kids should really do some helping instead of hurting. The people who work with children need to learn more about children, families, abuse, and how to really help.

The only thing good to come out of CPS helping is that I don't have to see my dad anymore. I think there was a time when I probably would have liked seeing my dad if someone had been around to teach him how to be a good dad and make sure I was safe. The courts really hurt me. I feel like I had 2 years of my life robbed away from me when we were in divorce court and foster care. I hate everyone who did all those bad and stupid things to me. I hope they all go through something as bad as all I had to go through so they can understand how awful life can be. I don't know how these people can feel good about themselves when they do so much damage. Some are no better than the child molester or child beater who harm kids They just get away with it because it's a legal form of child abuse.

"Sarah"

Sarah's Story - November 1995

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